ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just had sex bonerless
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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