So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
