Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
