He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
