I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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