u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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