So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
