this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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