It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
