Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
