is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
