Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
