in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
