Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
