I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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