i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
