ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you made out with another girl for some wings
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
