His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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