My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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