i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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