Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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