There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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