Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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