How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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