My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
soo... how was my night?
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