I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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