My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
