david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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