So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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