ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
