Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize