I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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