YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
someone owes me an orgasm
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
