I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
