he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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