i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
