Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
