Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize