You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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