You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
