You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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