Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
