The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
