i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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