I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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