Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Someone shattered a urinal.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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