so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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