I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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