Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
