Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
