just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
