He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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