i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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