Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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