my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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