She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
