that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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