What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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