The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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