You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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